


Angus: Unsolved

by allonsy_gabriel



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Based On Buzzfeed Unsolved, Crack Treated Seriously, Cute, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Happy, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, Ridiculous, Screenplay/Script Format, angus has a family that loves and supports him and that's the real point of this story, go with me on this one, it's all very cute and happy guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23600794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsy_gabriel/pseuds/allonsy_gabriel
Summary: The scene opens on ANGUS MCDONALD, a young, human boy with tan skin, curly brown hair, freckles, and crooked circular glasses that looked like they’ve been taped together. He is sitting at a desk covered in papers, books, manilla files, and miscellaneous writing utensils including a quill pen and inkpot. ANGUS smiles and waves at the camera.ANGUS:Hello everyone and welcome to Angus: Unsolved!
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Everyone, Angus McDonald & Taako, Kravitz & Angus McDonald
Comments: 30
Kudos: 92





	Angus: Unsolved

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the hyperfixation station, where I combine two of my favourite things alchemy-like into this absolute mess of a fic.
> 
> i am certainly not the first person to have had the idea of our boy Ango having a BFU-style youtube series, and i'm also not the first person to write about it, so if this seems similar to something you saw elsewhere... probably I saw that thing at some point and then when I was writing this it slipped into my brain subconsciously. idk man i'm just saying i'm not trying to steal anyone's ideas I just wanted Angus to roast Taako about his food-stealing habits

**_The scene opens on ANGUS MCDONALD, a young, human boy with tan skin, curly brown hair, freckles, and crooked circular glasses that looked like they’ve been taped together. He is sitting at a desk covered in papers, books, manilla files, and miscellaneous writing utensils including a quill pen and inkpot. ANGUS smiles and waves at the camera._ **

**ANGUS:** Hello everyone and welcome to _Angus: Unsolved_ ! I’m your host, Angus McDonald, the world’s greatest detective, and my special guest for this week is none other than one of the Seven Birds, the greatest transmutation wizard in the multiverse, founder of Taako’s Amazing School of Magic and _my dad_ , Taako Taaco-Adventurezone!

**_TAAKO, who has been twirling a pen in his fingers for the duration, winks at the camera._ **

**TAAKO:** Yo.

**ANGUS:** Thanks for joining us, Taako! This week we’re going to be investigating the mystery of _who ate my leftover orange chicken out of the fridge_.

**_TAAKO visibly sweats._ **

**ANGUS:** The case begins—

**

**_AS the scene begins, we see ANGUS and LUCRETIA sitting in the middle of what appears to be a library. They are each sitting in high-backed chairs and holding mugs of what appears to be hot chocolate. ANGUS takes a long drink before placing his cocoa on an end table, and we see that he now has whipped cream smeared above his mouth like a moustache. LUCRETIA struggles not to laugh._ **

**ANGUS:** So, Madame Director Lucretia—

**LUCRETIA:** Angus, I’ve told you, just Lucretia is fine—

**ANGUS:** Madame Director Lucretia, do you mind telling me your favourite parts about running the fantasy-Illuminati?

**_LUCRETIA chokes on the sip of hot chocolate she’d just drank. Somewhere off-camera, someone who sounds a great deal like TAAKO laughs._ **

**

**_ANGUS and TAAKO are sitting at a large desk, where ANGUS is holding open a case file. He opens his mouth as if to speak, but is interrupted._ **

**TAAKO:** Ghosts aren’t real!

**_Jumpcut to LUP, a lich still in her spectral form, who is sitting on a couch in TAAKO’s house and reading a magazine._ **

**LUP:** FUCK YOU TOO, ASSHOLE.

**

**_ANGUS stands in the middle of a large, poorly lit building holding portable camera equipment and his “ghost hunting gear”. Next to him stands BARRY BLUEJEANS, an older, pudgy human man with thick, nerd-ass glasses, salt ‘n pepper hair who is wearing a pair of boot-cut jeans and a white button-up shirt. BARRY looks visibly frightened._ **

**ANGUS:** So the goal for tonight is to make contact with the spirits that inhabit this building in order to ask them if they have any information on the murder that occurred here a few—Uncle Barry? Are you okay?

**_BARRY does not look okay._ **

**BARRY:** I’m fine, kid. Are you—are you sure we should be doing this? I mean, these are the types of spirits your dad and aunt and I usually hunt—

**ANGUS:** We’ll be fine! It’s perfectly safe.

**_ANGUS smiles. BARRY does not. Suddenly, a loud crash is heard from off-camera. ANGUS turns to investigate while BARRY drops his flashlight, screams, and races off camera. ANGUS follows after him._ **

**(From off-camera) ANGUS:** Uncle Barry? Aren’t you—don’t you— _you’re a ghost too, Uncle Barry!_

**

**_ANGUS sits in on a bed in what can only be assumed to be his bedroom. Behind him is a poster for CALEB CLEVELAND, KID COP: THE MUSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA, and a stuffed bear with voluminous sideburns who is holding a massive sword lies beside him._ **

**ANGUS:** Welcome, everyone, to our very first _Unsolved: Update_! Apologies for not being in a more formal setting, but my dad is using my study to hold a fantasy-Skype meeting because it’s the most professional-looking room in the house!

**_Off-camera, someone laughs and ANGUS smiles._ **

**ANGUS:** Today I’m recording this special episode because for the first time ever, we have a conclusion to one of the few mysteries featured on this show that I was not able to solve! If you’ll remember, a few months ago I did an episode covering my then-mentor and now-dad Taako’s magic umbrella.

**_Cut to footage of that episode, in which ANGUS looks more ruffled than usual, and one of his eyebrows is partially singed. Past-ANGUS looks incredibly frustrated and throws his hands into the air._ **

**ANGUS:** It turns out the reason I couldn’t solve it was because the information I was searching for had been erased from the collective consciousness of every person in the universe, but since The Day of Story and Song, that information has been made once again available, and I am happy to announce the conclusion to _The Bizarre Mystery of Mr. Taako’s Magic Umbrella_! Say hello, Aunt Lup!

**_The camera pans out to include another figure in frame. LUP is an elven woman wearing a red tank-top that says ‘Good Lich, Bad Bitch’ and dabs._ **

**LUP:** ‘Sup, nerds!

**_ANGUS smiles._ **

**ANGUS:** In a shocking turn of events, it turns out my dad’s umbrella was actually acting as a phylactery for his twin sister because it accidentally vore’d her lich form, and then my dad forgot about her entire existence due to their close friend wiping his memories with Voidfish magic!

**_There’s a beat of silence as ANGUS smiles and LUP looks vaguely disturbed._ **

**ANGUS:** I’m sure this is fine and will have no long-term impacts on anyone’s mental health.

**

**_ANGUS closes a case file and smiles at the camera, showing that he is missing one of his front top teeth. It’s adorable. Beside him, KRAVITZ looks horrified._ **

**ANGUS:** And that’s a how I know that Jimbles McLeary is actually the Goldcliff Phantom, one of the most heinous and gruesome serial killers of our time! If you or someone you know works for the Goldcliff Militia, please show this video to Captain Lieutenant Hurley so that she can arrest this despicable human being! Anyway, that’s all for this week on _Angus: Unsolved_ —

**KRAVITZ:** Angus.

**ANGUS:** Yes, Mr. Kravitz, sir?

**KRAVITZ:** Please tell me that when you were _going to hang out with friends_ this past week you weren’t actually going to Goldcliff to hunt down a serial killer.

**_ANGUS visibly sweats and speaks very quickly._ **

**ANGUS:** ANYWAY that’s all for this week thanks for watching tuneinnextweekformoremysteriesokaybye!

**_Scene fades to outro card, but the following audio can still be heard over top._ **

**KRAVITZ:** Angus…

**ANGUS:** Please don’t be mad!

**KRAVITZ:** Angus we can’t keep doing this! If you’re going to go solve crimes, _you have to tell an adult first!_

**ANGUS:** But—

**KRAVITZ:** No buts. Now c’mon, I think Taako’s making cookies. Let’s see if we can steal some cookie dough when he’s not looking.

**_The outro card fades to black._ **

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me what you think!


End file.
